After a long-term relationship ends, you may find that you need some extra support. You might feel like your entire world has been turned upside down, and you’re unsure how to cope. You may have even spent so much time in the relationship that you don’t know what’s next for your life.
It can be scary when this happens. But the following steps can help make the transition easier for you:
Consult a Therapist, If Required
Therapy can be a great way to cope with the emotional stress of divorce. Therapists are trained to help people process their feelings and emotions, which you need during this time. They will also help you learn how to cope with the situation and move forward.
If you don’t feel comfortable discussing your relationship issues with friends or family members, find a therapist and talk to them about your feelings. They’ll be able to give you some useful advice on how best to handle these difficult situations.
With more than 198,811 therapists in the US, according to Zippia, many therapists specialize in dealing with divorce and separation.
Give Yourself the Time You Need to Heal
You’ve been together for years, so it’s understandable to feel like you’ll never be the same after a breakup. You may be tempted to rush into another relationship or do everything at once, but that’s the worst thing you can do.
Divorce is common. According to CDC, 2.3 per 1,000 is the divorce rate in the US, which accounts for nearly 630,505 divorces in 2020 itself. Most people facing divorce and separation suffer mental health symptoms for one or two years, and it takes a long time to adjust to a new life.
Many aspects of your life will need time and attention as you start over again, but don’t let them overwhelm you. Instead, give yourself time to heal and cope with how things ended with your ex-partner before making big life decisions.
It may seem counterintuitive, but being kinder to yourself during this process is crucial. Remember that this is not your fault either.
Allow Yourself to Grieve the Loss of Your Relationship
When you separate from your partner, there’s a lot of change that comes along with it. Your daily routine changes, as do the people you spend time with or the places where you live. When all these things change, it can feel like your life is falling apart. It’s necessary to allow yourself time to grieve the loss to heal and move forward into a new stage of life.
Don’t rush yourself through this process. Instead, give yourself plenty of time each day to think about your situation while continuing with other parts of your life. If emotions like sadness or anger start getting out of control, try not to worry too much about them, they’re parts of grieving.
The key here is to understand that feelings don’t belong solely to you; everybody has them. Thus, don’t worry if someone sees something on your face that might suggest how much pain you’re feeling inside, don’t worry.
Be Gentle With Yourself and Give Yourself Grace
Don’t be hard on yourself, don’t blame yourself, and don’t beat yourself up. You didn’t ask for this and are not responsible for it. It doesn’t matter if your ex is the worst person in the world or if they cheated on you. You cannot control these things, but you can control how you deal with them emotionally.
Don’t compare yourself to others or try to measure up by reaching unrealistic expectations of perfection in all areas of life. It will only add unnecessary pressure onto your already stressed-out self, which will make things worse than they already are.
Your partner might be going through their divorce process simultaneously, so try not to take any criticism personally. They are probably as confused as everyone else around them, so remember that no one knows what they’re doing either.
Let Go of Guilt and Shame for Prioritizing Your Needs
You must ensure that you are taking care of yourself and making time for your needs. You may feel guilty for putting your needs first but don’t. You also might be ashamed or embarrassed to take some time for yourself, but please don’t put yourself down or hold back.
If something feels good and makes you happy, do it. It’s okay if people think less of you because they don’t understand what is going on in your life. They will forget about it soon enough anyway.
It’s important to remember that you are not alone. There are many other people out there who have experienced what you have, and they understand what it is like. You might need to find someone in your life that will listen or be there for you; this is completely okay.
Create and Use a Support System, Both Online and in the Real World
It’s important to build yourself a support system. No matter whether you find it within your friends, family, or even online communities. You’ll have people who understand what you’re going through. Someone can help hold space for your emotions when they arise, and even someone is there to talk to when things get hard.
When something like a divorce happens in your life, you tend to look inward at yourselves and also outward at others’ reactions. However, you must also ensure that you take care of your feelings. If you don’t, everything else becomes secondary, which is unhealthy for anyone involved.
Remember That No One is Perfect, Including You
Even if you’ve been with your partner for a long time, it’s important to remember that no one is perfect. No one can be everything you need them to be all the time. That’s why it’s crucial to understand that your expectation from your partner and their expectation from you will never meet perfectly. If someone tries their best but falls short sometimes, don’t judge them for this, it happens.
As it’s necessary not to hold others up to unattainable standards, it’s also healthy not to hold yourself up too high. If there are areas where you’re making mistakes, give yourself some grace and make changes accordingly without beating yourself up about them too much.
Remembering these truths about relationships will help keep you balanced during difficult times like divorce or separation after being together for many years.
Avoid Engaging in Self-Destructive Behaviors
In the initial stages of divorce, you may tend to engage in self-destructive behaviors. It is normal. You are grieving the loss of your marriage, which is when you will be tempted to do things that you don’t.
For example, you may drink excessively, eat unhealthy foods, or engage in risky sexual activities without any concern for your safety. You must avoid these types of behaviors. They can lead to further problems later when you begin dating again after your divorce has been finalized and finalized by all parties involved.
An Expert Can Guide You to Handle Separation
If you’re coping with a separation or divorce that has gone on for a long time, you may feel that no one will understand your experience. You might also think that being alone is the worst thing in the world and that there’s no way to move forward after so many years together. But it’s important to know that you don’t have to do this alone.
It can be helpful to connect with a therapist who works with people who have been through breakups or divorces at any stage of their lives. A therapist can help guide you through difficult emotions like anger and sadness. They can show you how to keep moving forward toward healing and growth when it comes time to date again.
There is no shame in feeling sad about the end of a relationship. It’s normal to feel like this, and there is nothing wrong with you for needing time to heal. You deserve all the love and support that you need during this time.